When is the right moment for the average individual who is having relationship troubles to end it? It goes without saying that divorces these days are swift and amicable, that the number of single parents is rising, and that more men choose to live single lives even if there are apparently plenty of eligible women available. However, there has never been a greater anxiety of not knowing if it would be wise to end a relationship that was clearly failing than there is right now.
I asked after a friend’s daughter’s mother a few months back when I ran into her. Sheepishly, explaining that she was now living with her fiancé, she informed me it had been a while since she had seen her mother. If that was what she want as well, then everything would have been in order. She shrugged, “I would have preferred for us to get married, but he won’t commit to me until I’m pregnant.”
What occurs if she becomes pregnant, marries, and then miscarries? If she is unable to become pregnant again, will the boyfriend desert her after about two years? I couldn’t help but wonder all these things and more, but I didn’t want to add to the poor girl’s already extreme misery. She is currently switching between gynaecologists, and when I asked her if the man she loves had also had a test, she responded it wasn’t necessary because he was already a parent. It wasn’t proof, I wanted to tell her. that some “surrogate” fathers I knew had turned some “barren” women into mothers.
The women no longer have to put up with taunts and criticism from their in-laws, and the legal fathers are in the dark about it. Their union appears to be going well. Couples who realise their marriage is practically on the verge of collapse but choose to remain optimistic and hold onto hope are the ones that raise the most concerns.
Sadly, they don’t happen very often. Boma, a 60-year-old retired industrial nurse, is alone herself in her beautiful home and regrets not having the common sense to force her wayward spouse out of their marital residence when she discovered he was a jerk despite being a doctor. She remarked, “My father was very astute and he thought it was best to save a little for a rainy day.” He would constantly encourage me to save and send money home so he could purchase me a piece of real estate when I was working in England following my training.His letter occasionally annoyed me, but his persistent demands caused me to take on part-time work and petty trade in addition to my normal employment in order to pay him money. He always made up the difference, and because of him, I had a few scattered land holdings when we returned.
“My spouse joined the military and was given a house along with his job. I also secured a good job as an industrial nurse, and because of my family’s connections, I was able to secure some pretty amazing contracts.” I quickly developed the two plots I owned in desirable locations and sold the remaining plots to construct a new home on Victoria Island. While all of this was going on, my sweet hubby was enjoying himself immensely and savouring the joy of the women surrounding him. If he hadn’t been excessively envious, everything may have worked out.
The men I conversed with were all prospective partners, and he frequently used violence against those he suspected. He treated me with such contempt and marched me out of parties because he thought I was too nice with men—I can’t even remember how many black eyes he gave me. He had occasionally visited our official clinic to savagely treat senior coworkers I was caring for because he believed they had come pretending to be sick in order to have quickies in my office! The individual had an extremely creative mind.
“The kids were afraid of him too, and I was looked down upon a lot. However, he was fine as long as he had Benson and his Cognac. However, once he drank, chaos ensued. He would pinch shoes, costume jewellery, or any other bizarre feminine items I had to sell and give them to his girlfriends when I quit my job and began travelling.At a gathering, I really noticed one of them wearing a set of jewellery and special shoes that I had previously imported but discovered were missing, so I questioned him. I assumed those shoes were mine, so I summoned the woman over and yelled for everyone to hear that she should tell me where she got them. You can only imagine the reactions we received from other visitors.
“I had a few affairs of my own; given the circumstances, who wouldn’t?However, I never felt at ease, and my children showed him little respect. The sheer number of ladies who came forward to claim their children as their own after his untimely death five years ago astounded me! One of them even had an advanced pregnancy! It was difficult to persuade them that, despite his connections, the love of their lives was too preoccupied to purchase a plot of land, much less start a house. The accusation is now flying that I sat on the land my husband had bought for me when he was a public official and that, out of malice, I was withholding funds from his other children.
On the other hand, none of these would have occurred if I had left when common sense told me to. To what number of accusers would I present documents as evidence? “My married children amaze me with how easily they speak with their spouses these days. I’m happy that they took the severe treatment I got from their father to heart. They stare at me in disbelief, thinking that elderly people like me should protect matrimony at all costs, whenever any of their friends complain about mistreatment they experience in their married houses and I advise them not to stick to maltreatment that could rob them of their pride.
